The Letter Home

Posted on Wed Sep 16th, 2020 @ 10:18am by Petty Officer 2nd Class Corvus Hannah

887 words; about a 4 minute read

Mission: Exodus
Location: Medical - Spock

He sat hard on the stool while wiping his hands on a cloth that was already stained with drying and fresh blood. "Computer begin," he said with a sigh then, trying to force a smile he looked at the monitor and saw that recording had begun.

"Hello Ma," he started as he looked down at his hands. They looked clean but...he sighed and put the cloth on the counter. "I don't want you to worry but...I don't know when you'll get this letter, if you ever do." He let out another breath as he put his head on his fist. "I'm so tired and I may not be making any sense but..."

A series of beeps distracted Hannah and he turned to look over his shoulder. Readings on the biobed dropped briefly into the 'caution' zone but then went back up. "I just wanted to let you know that..."

Hannah stopped. There was so much to say and, he'd been in bad spots before where there was a lot of work for him. Where his life was in jeopardy. But...had he ever felt the cold breath of the Angel of Death on his neck so close before? He couldn't remember it being so. "I love you, Ma. I know you know that but how many times do we sign off with a quick, almost formulaic 'love you'? I don't want it to be like that this time. I want you to know, despite anything else I may say or you may find out, that I love you. I wouldn't be here if it weren't for you and how you taught me that service to others was the highest calling in the galaxy. You're right about that and if something does..." He looked away from the screen while swallowing the lump in his throat.

Briefly he held the cloth to dab at the sheen of wet in his eyes, but the presence of so much blood caused him to ball it up and toss it to the tray table across the room. He'll recycle it with the medical tools when they got enough power back.

"If something should happen to me or we don't make it out of this then, I want you to know that I died following that lesson. I've died in service to others, Ma. Like you said. I don't know if that will make up for any other sins I may have committed and have not sought absolution but, Ma, I want you to know that I can't imagine doing anything else. The troops I've been able to work with, the ones I've been able to save...that has meant more to me than anything else in the galaxy. I don't know if it'll provide any comfort knowing that I died doing what I feel I've been called to do or not. But I hope you can understand that, Ma."

He stopped again, looking away from the recording monitor for several seconds. "Maybe there's a karmic balance to the universe and there's a bill to be paid. I've saved lives, honest to goodness saved them from death. Maybe there's a cost to that and the universe is now extracting that cost from me. I don't know. But, I'm glad to pay it. I only hope that you understand that I'm happy to pay it because it's the way you raised me to be."

Again he stopped, his breath catching in his chest for several moments. For several longer moments his eyes closed and he began to drift forward, almost to the point of tipping over. Suddenly, with a spasm of his body, he jerked awake.

"There have been others, Ma, that I couldn't save and sometimes, when I'm low, I see them all again in my dreams. I remember all their names, I keep a log of the ones I couldn't help. Because I don't ever want to forget them. I want to learn what I couldn't do, or didn't do, with them so I don't have to add more names to the list."

He closed his eyes, his head nodding forward before he jerked himself awake again.

"Our ship was attacked. We're floating adrift. Well, being towed back to Earth by a civvie ship but...without them, we'd be dead in the water. We don't know if we're out of the woods yet or even why we were attacked. Or by whom. They could come back and we...we're sitting ducks. I hope I can get this sent out before that happens and, I hope I get ahold of you before you can ever get this letter."

Another few moments of silence, another few moments where it seemed exhaustion would claim its due. "I don't want to die, Ma. Especially not like this but..."

Hannah pressed his lips together for several moments, again staring away from the monitor. "But I..."

He stopped as the beeping sounded again. This time more insistent. Hannah turned and, in a second adrenaline flushed through his body and the tired and fatigue was gone again. Without thinking about it, he moved away from the stool and the still recording monitor. The 'recording' symbol continued to flash until the 'auto-off' function engaged. Then the message went into the queue to be sent at the next cycle.

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